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fat-friendly cities and towns?
thirtiesgirl wrote in fatshionista
Hi fats. I come to you with a question. Based on your experiences, what places, cities, towns do you consider fat-friendly?
By "fat-friendly," I mean the town or city has a fat community with some knowledge of and experience with fat acceptance and health at every size; the dating scene is generally good for fats; and there's an overall friendliness and not much negativity towards fats from people of every size, gender and ethnicity. ...Or am I asking for a tall order, here?

I've lived all my life in Southern California, growing up in a touristy beach community, where beach bunny bodies were the norm. I've lived in Los Angeles for the past 12 years, where I moved to ostensibly start a new life that included a romantic partner, good friends, a job I loved and a neighborhood I was fond of. I've managed to find a few of those things in LA, but it's been a real struggle. For the past several years, I've been considering finding a new place to call home. I'm just not sure where that might be, so I'm asking for your knowledge and experiences to help develop my search.

I should mention a few things: I don't do well with cold winter weather when it drops below 40 degrees farenheit (meaning, very little to no snow). If I could handle snow and cold, windy temps, Chicago would be my go-to city. A fat friend of mine from LA moved to Chicago several years ago and couldn't say enough about the cute men who frequently hit on her and the general attitude difference she experienced, in comparison to LA. But sadly, I have circulation issues, so temps below 40 degrees in winter are not good for me.

I'm also not good with extreme heat or humidity; extreme to me meaning any temps over 105 degrees farenheit. I lived for several years in the San Fernando Valley where it can get as hot as 108 degrees in summer, which is a wee bit too hot for me, but just barely manageable. Thank goodness for A/C.

Places I've considered living include Portland, OR; Austin, TX; and Sacramento, CA. Portland is now off the list because it's apparently extremely difficult to find jobs in education there, especially if you're moving from out of state. I work in education, so that's not good for me. Sacramento's still on my list as a potential city for me to check out if I want to stay in California, but I know next to nothing about it. Same with Austin, aside from the great music scene there.

So now that I've given you my list of nearly impossible to meet standards (big surprise), what do you say? What cities and towns do you consider fat-friendly?

Thanks for reading.


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i'm going to say all of so cal. i didn't realize it until i moved away!

and yes i realized you mentioned that in your post.. just my pov. i feel more beautiful than ever when i'm there, i find it easier to meet people in general in the LA area too.

Really? I've lived in San Diego most of my life, besides 4 years in Northern Ca for college. I feel like people here are constantly judging everyone around them based on looks. It's part of the reason I want to move to another state.. Do you mind me asking where in socal you lived?

May I ask, what is your ethnicity? I think it's a little different for people who are black, Hispanic or East Indian in LA. Those cultures are more accepting (in general) of fat. I'm caucasian and have experienced slightly different standards from most people here, especially in the dating scene.

*doh* all this time i thought you were mexican. i'm pretty sure you get that alot living in LA and all

iono, i'm born and raised in cali. currently live in san diego, born in LA. people treat me fine (and i'm black obviously). however with the dating scene, i feel very lackluster in san diego. i feel like big white women and mexicans get more love in san diego than the black wimmenz. however when i'm in LA i get a lil bit more love cuz it's more culturally diverse (read: more black folk)

Heh, yeah. I do look kind of Hispanic. The Mexican and South American kids I work with at school always ask me if I am. I once had an older Hispanic couple approach me in the drugstore to ask a question about cold medicine because they thought I spoke Spanish. (Having worked for LAUSD for 10 years, I do know some Spanish phrases, but most of them involve curse words.) ...Then again, the Armenian kids think I look Armenian, and I sometimes get asked if I'm from the middle east by the Persian kids.

That's an interesting comparison between San Diego and LA, though. I'd agree that LA is the more culturally diverse city, but I had no idea there was that slightly polarizing factor in SD. Sorry to hear that.

yeah, you look ambiguous now that i think about it, beautiful nonetheless

i'm from inglewood, so you know it's predom mexican and blacks. while in san diego, there's black folks in some neighborhoods, but it's not saturated nor big as LA's. san diego is a military city, so keep that in mind.

Yeah, I know. The summer before my senior year of high school, I spent a month & a half in San Diego...going to a weight loss camp, of all things. At the time, I thought it was what I wanted to do and my mom was willing to pay for it, so I went. The 'camp' had outings in the city every week, so I got to see some parts of San Diego, including the naval harbor, while I was there.

Was it a fat camp in La Jolla, by any chance? I remember when I was younger seeing ads in the back of teeny-bopper magazines advertising for the fat camp there, and really wanting to go--thank god we didn't have the money for it!

Anyway, I know I'm kind of late to this conversation but I just have to say that, in my experience, San Diego is WAAAAAAAAAY more fat-friendly than the city I grew upin (Seattle). I was reminded of that when I went home over the holidays. When I go out with my girlfriend in San Diego, guys buy me drinks. When I go out with my girlfriends in Seattle, this is never the case. Then again, I haven't tried dating in San Diego because I'm in a relationship, but given what I've seen, people are definitely more fat-pos here than in Seattle.

Plus, the sun is always out... but the job market sucks pretty badly.

Anyway, good luck in your search!

I am bi-racial (half black half east indian).. but that does not determine who i'm attracted/ who i choose to be with especially since. most men i'v ever met or been with has always assumed (wrong! lol) my race..

i grew up in Orange County (and was there until about 3 years ago)which is less than 1% African American (last i checked) and is mostly Asian/Hispanic/White community.

I have mostly been involved with white men (since they are a slight majority in OC) but have also been with hispanic, asian, middle eastern, indian...

basically what i'm saying is that i dont feel that race has much to do with it... i think that the fact that So Cal is a multicultural urban area with a lot of diversity is why, but thats just my opinon. All i know is that I've never felt restricted to dating only men of color.

As my former African American boss used to say of OC, it's fine for "all of the others, but none of the brothers." He was trying to be funny, but he had a point. As I wrote elsewhere, I recognize that LA is a very diverse city, and I often get interest from African American and Hispanic men. My issue is that I usually don't share a lot of surface cultural interests with them (music, film, theater), so the relationships tend to fall apart if we can't talk about some of the same things and do them together.

that isn't related to race, but the type of guys you are meeting... these are usually men you meet at clubs, bars etc not exactly quality people 100% of the time; Especially if you consider that the men that frequent these types of places are mostly looking for sex not a LTR. i've met plenty of White men who fall into that category... if thats not where you're meeting them than perhaps thats just the "type" that is naturally attracted to your personality.

You live in an extremely diverse area of the country... there are men of color that share your interests, your generalized statements are a bit extreme!

also you mention that the type of men who have shown interest in YOU.. why not do the same? try approaching men you find attractive once in a while.. there have been times i've noticed someone looking more than once and thought they COULD NOT be but they were checking me out.. i've gone and approached them first and it's been successful.


A majority of Hispanic and black men I've met have been online, on reputable dating sites (non-fat friendly), not at clubs and bars, as you assume. I've met all kinds of men online, white, black, Hispanic, Asian, etc, and some are looking for a serious relationship, some are not. Point being, some of the black and Hispanic men who have contacted me were serious and some were looking for casual sex. They're not all players. I dated many of them for several months, but only one guy I met shared my interests in movies, music and theater. None of the others did. It became a problem when we couldn't share activities or interests, so we ended things. You may think my comments are extreme, but they're based on my own experiences and very real to me.

I also 'approach' plenty of men. In the past 2 months I've messaged over 120 men in the LA area on various dating websites, of all different races. As yet, none of them have responded with interest. The only interest I've received is from men over 50, and I'm not interested in dating in that age bracket.

ahh i see.. u know dating online is just its kinda of its own thing... so frustrating but fun at times! i guess i'm just saying that they do exist that's all. Good luck to you, if dating were easy it would be no fun at all! and u gotta admit its fun if only a little ;)

and i am going to agree with you 100%!!!

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