December 3rd, 2004

lady electrician
  • amarama


Welcome, fatshionistas! Here we will discuss the ins and outs of fat fashions, seriously and stupidly--but above all--standing tall, and with panache. We fatshionistas are self-accepting despite The Man's Saipan-made boot at our chubby, elegant throats. We are silly, and serious, and want shit to fit.
Girl Clown

Collars, Stripes and What Not to Wear (?)

Okay, so I've shied away from button up shirts for years. I remember getting my colors done when I was 18 (Animated [Spring], with a touch of Rich [Fall], and a dash of Soft [Summer], no Striking [Winter]). Along with the elaborate swatches picked for me in a naturally lit room, I was given a 6-week fashion class which I took with a group of recently colorized middle-aged suburbanites.

I learned that "Animateds" can wear scooped and sailor collars, bouncy shapes and patterns; and crisp, playful fabrics. I could not wear v-necks, dramatic stripes or black-and-white (only those with Striking could do that). I learned about putting colors together circa 1984 and studied my body in a mirror with two straight lines drawn about 2 feet apart. I wore a leotard and tights and noticed which parts came out of the lines and learned about the best, most flattering clothes for my body type, which was at the time, changing as I had been on a months-long liquid protein fast. Nevertheless, the class was pretty great and I did learn things I never knew about how to dress.

Since that time, I've not worn button up shirts (unless you count the big, flannel number ala coming out in the late 80s). Until today. My favorite frumpy skirt had a huge, sad rip in the back and at lunch I drove to Lane Bryant to find a replacement. They had next to nothing in skirts and the rest of the selection was, as usual, mediocre. I finally settled for flare jeans that even in a petite cascaded past my ankles, and a ::gasp:: button up shirt. I thought the outfit was almost hideous, but perhaps okay since the staples holding the rip together had since popped off, leaving the back of my unshaven thighs (from the knees down, honey) exposed.

To my credit, and keeping my well-ingrained color teachings in mind, the shirt is pink and white striped with flowers at the cuffs and collar (very Animated). And the jeans weren't so bad with a big fat cuff at the bottom. Still, I felt less than attractive when I went back to work.

Imagine my surprise when the receptionist and massage therapist (yes, she comes on Thursdays and Fridays, it's true) gushed over me as if I were the prettiest thing on earth. Not only that, but they shared the cold hard truth about the skirt, "turn that thing into a polishing rag honey, that's all it's good for now." Apparently, I've been a candidate for "What Not to Wear" for months, probably years, and didn't even know it.

I still don't think the shirt looks that good, by the way, but The Butch loves it too, so now I'm thinking I can never shop alone again. My inside view of how I look doesn't match what others see and I think I've lost my good taste (if I ever had any).

So, what kind of clothes have you been shying away from? Do you think it's because you know what looks best or is it because you have an old view of what looks best on you?
Girl Clown

So many fashion crisis (criseze? crisises?), so little idea what to do about it (them)

Incidentally, people - I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow for the first time in 21 months. I have long, curly/wavy (or if no hair goop, frizzy) brown hair and I need advice! I'm starting to notice that it is dulling (age, I guess) and thinning right on the top of my head above my eyes - very disconcerting. It looks really thick, but isn't like it used to be. Anyhoo, I will probably get about 8-9 inches cut off just to get back to the healthy stuff - but besides that, what can I do to it? I love my hair, but I'm bored and I feel I need a little bit of height.

I believe the era of bangs is over and it never did me any good anyway. I can't feather my hair, even if it were in because you have to have really straight locks to do that. I can't cut it short (not that I would) because it makes me look like Liz Taylor in her later days on day two of a drunken binge (yes, even when I was younger).

I don't have the kind of hair you can really style in a daily fashion kind of way. It's good for an up-do, but that would require hand-eye coordination, (as an aside, I was once approached on the street in downtown SF and asked to be an up do model, but I had to go to work and couldn't get out of it. That was back in the era when I could afford regular eyebrow waxings at an Aveda salon ::sigh::) and can get some wicked pretty ringlets (but that takes three kinds of product, a better diffuser than I've ever found and way too long with my head upside down).

Any suggestions? My appointment is at 3:15 so you have a few hours to save me from my hair dilemma.

Oh, and by the way, the haircut will be followed by my company holiday party to which I'm wearing a new Torrid number (only my second time ever at the store), a 60's-style cocktail dress, off the shoulder, with big A-line skirt. I'll be wearing my first strapless bra in years (big pads, my boobs will look like rockets). I don't know what to do about leg wear with the dress. I got fishnets with seams, but I think it will be too distracting from the clean lines and sexy shoulder. Black? Nude? None? Wearing sensible pumps with the dress, black, shiny - if that helps.