My recent obsession with the very sexy video for Lo-Rider's "Skinny" music video got me thinking... about fat girl sexuality. And I was sort of stumped as to why the "uncensored" version of the video is restricted to the "18 or older" on YouTube. I know that I may very probably be oblivious to the morality/modesty mindset and where it comes from, but I simply don't see what is worth censoring in that original video, nor do I know what could possibly be viewed as terribly "inappropriate" content (as flagged by YouTube's user community). I mean c'mon. In today's society where women's bodies are flaunted and often objectified everywhere from billboards to award shows, how is a fat girl in lingerie anymore provocative than the usual mainstream skinny body type we see everywhere else? Maybe it's because it is so unusual to see that is why it could be considered taboo by some, I don't know. I just can't figure it out.
When I think about it further... I think maybe what makes a plus size girl's attractiveness more noticeable, is actually that it is unconventional and not encouraged in our culture. Now whether the mainstream will view fat girl sexuality as something to put down or something to embrace, the fact remains that it usually seems to stand out more than the average skinny girl's sex appeal. Unfortunately we live in a culture where average pretty girls are considered sexy and objectified almost out of default. If you're a size 2, blonde and tan, like it or not but you'll likely be viewed as culture's conventional standard and beauty goal. (Not to mention you'll also be assumed to be a stereotyped superficial bimbo and a bitch because you're so pretty. Like those Ani Difranco lyrics, "and god help you if you are an ugly girl, course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room"...) But fat women are usually viewed and portrayed as sexless and undesirable in this society, don't you think? And sadly enough it's fed to us so early on for so long, that most of us start to believe it at some point. I mean, the sex drive of most women that I meet (fat and thin) is so dysfunctional or even repressed, and I think a lot of that comes from the self hated and criticism of our bodies we are taught. So, more importantly, back to fat girls. If society puts us down and denies our sex appeal, and we still choose to flaunt it and revel in it- it's just that: a choice. Instead of being sexualized by default, fat girls have to come to the realization themselves- that they can be damn sexy too!!
[Side Tangent] Now me, I find a curvy woman's attractiveness just undeniable, and that much more... dare I say "womanly" or femme. People say, "are you an ass man or a breast man?"-- and either way, it's all FAT! So when there's more to love, I think there's that much more that's sexy! :) I don't know when jutting ribs and thigh bones became the desirable trend, but see that's just my personal opinion and preference. That's my "type", that's what does it for me, ample curves is my body type of choice! In fact, I must say that a lot of my confidence and sex appeal stems from my own vanity and narcissism- because damn, I am so hot I'm on fire! Not to say that I haven't gone through periods of time where I felt unsexy, but it usually wasn't from my fat self-hatred, just the usual phases of depression and low self esteem that I think so many of us go through at one point or another. But I feel blessed that I haven't been plagued with the common struggle of body image in the long run. I don't know why I was more immune to it than my peers, I don't know why I escaped the pressures of societal standards more unscathed than most... but I'm sorry, I'm just too sexy to fall for that.
I realize that it's more challenging for fat girls to believe in their sex appeal, I know this because women all around me haven't seemed to find it yet. But I think that when a woman bigger in size than the "acceptable norm" discovers her sex appeal, well it must be more empowering than to just be assumed to be a pretty girl. Does that make sense? I just don't think it's as easy to objectify a sexy fat girl... because she has to believe it herself instead of having her attractiveness imposed on her. If I put on lipstick and a corset I don't feel like a target of misogyny, how could I possibly be? I'm not confining myself to the limitations of society's expectations, I'm not conforming to someone else's idea of sexy- just reveling in my own. I do it for me. When I feel my sexiest, I don't feel at risk of being victimized for it or held up to some beauty standard- because my sexyness is so obviously NOT the standard. Sure, I can be judged for not being the standard, I can be put down for not conforming- I think most people are just in disbelief when they see someone that hasn't bought into the self criticism, and will likely be jealous that they aren't so liberated themselves. How freeing it is to not have to hate yourself.
I don't know where I'm going with this, actually. Just my late night musings. Honestly, I'd love to hear a "right on, sista" here, I'd like to know I'm not the only one who feels this way... and I hope more women can get to a place of body love and recognition of their undeniable, inherent sex appeal. But hell, open it up for discussion- thoughts, opinions, personal beliefs and experience? So... Holla, where my girls at? P.S. This is in no way meant to exclude anyone, and I dearly hope not to offend anyone- and I'd love for gals and guys alike to join in here. Just because you're not a woman or if you don't identify as femme, I still encourage anyone to offer their own experience with sex appeal. And, apologies if I'm somehow coming off as egotistical or pretentious. This rant is from my own perspective, and not intended to be preachy, I don't mean to impose my personal beliefs on anyone with a different viewpoint. (Does this make sense? Sorry, I'm tired...) edited and x-posted to my journal
- Fat Sex Appeal